Slay

Genesis 22:9-10 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

Sometimes God plants desires in our hearts.
A dream, a hope, a vision for a better life.
Sometimes God asks us to give it up for Him.
And sometimes I don't understand why.

Abraham and Sarah wanted a child.
Nothing out of the ordinary for a married couple.
But they couldn't have one.
After trying to manipulate the situation,
Like having Sarah's maid, Hagar, be a surrogate mother,
They remained unsatisfied
With a child they couldn't call their own.
Finally, they gave up,
Then God promised again,
So Sarah laughed.

A year later,
When they were in their nineties,
The Abrahams miraculously had their first child.
Isaac. Laughter.

I can imagine the joy within their hearts.
And maybe disbelief.
Here, finally, after decades of waiting,
The tears, the calculations, manipulations,
They're finally holding this bundle of joy,
A laughing boy,
His sweet scent of milk,
Bright eyed stare.
He's so soft, so lovable
The sweet fulfillment of a promise!

Abraham must have been a proud father.
He must've fed his boy, and played with him,
and cradled him in his arms as Isaac cried through the night.

But one day,
Probably five years later,
God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son.
The thoughts of Abraham aren't recorded in the bible.
His possible inner conflict--
"Why? Why did you promise? Why did you give?
Why are you taking away?
Why did you allow me to love Him?"

All that is recorded
Is Abraham trekking up the mountain
His feet dragging
With his beloved
As He prepares the altar,
Ties his son,
And lifts his hand to slay.

Like Abraham,
God has planted many dreams in my heart.
I've had these dreams since I was very little.
Dreams to have a family,
And children.
Dreams to live in a big city
In a foreign country.
Today He is asking me to give everything up.

I'm not going to wrestle anymore.
I'm not going to ask why.
I'm not going to calculate, manipulate
Bargain.

God is asking me--
What if you live in the same apartment?
Have the same job?
What if you're alone for the rest of your life?
Until you grow old and die?
As long as you have me,
Will you be satisfied and full of joy?

Each question,
A stab.
But like Abraham,
I'm ready to slay.

I don't want to live for my dreams,
Or an unrealized future anymore.
Everything in me,
Is for Him.
This borrowed life temporary,
An undeserved privilege.

My will is broken.
My core shattered.
I'm all His.

I'm clinging to Him.
And I know in my heart,
That just as long as I have Him,
Everything else in the world can fall apart.
And I'm sure,
(It's just not going to happen today)
I'm sure
That one day
I'll smile again.

I am wrestling with God today

^{Genesis 32:24-26} So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."

But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

I am wrestling with God today.

My hands clenching His arms, my eyes tightly shut with tears falling down my face as I grit my teeth, push Him, and punch His chest over and over again. I am angry and frustrated and cursing myself! I soooo want to blame Him even if I know it's all my fault! My doing.

I am wrestling with God today.

Might be scandalous to you. I'm supposed to be a mature Christian, with all the right words to meet your needs. Feeling sad? Read Ecclesiastes three. For this life has seasons of mourning. Feeling angry? Search Proverbs. Never let the sun go down. Making a major life decision? Did you consult your Christian friends? That's what David did.

But today, I will have none of the coddling and trying to make myself feel good! I am wrestling with God today.

I am biting His shoulder. Pinning Him down on the floor. Pounding my head against His back. I want to kick Him! "Lord, I regret it! I regret making stupid decisions! I'm so afraid! I feel like a failure! I'm so stupid! I am just so angry with myself! And right now all I want to do is wrestle with You! I need to let this out!"

Today, I refuse to fake it. Refuse to take my daily shot of bible verses. I'm hitting Him. Stomping my feet. And like Jacob, I'm begging Him to bless me. I'm shaking Him.

My teeth chattering, "Lord, please bless me. Bless me with your mercy. I want to bask in your favor. I want to bask in your peace. I am so angry with myself. Teach me to forgive myself." Tears rolling, a bitter taste seeping out of my tongue's pores.

I am wrestling with God today.

And the Lord, unscathed, cradles me in His arms. He whispers, "You are my child. Perfect in my eyes. With my hands, I knit you together in your mother's womb."

"But why?," I scream through my bitter tears. "Why why why do I make stupid mistakes?"

He holds my hands to keep me warm. "It's an imperfect world. This is not your world. This isn't where you belong and that's why you are suffering. One day, you'll be with me. One day, you will always be filled with joy."

But today I am here. With nowhere else to go.

I am wrestling with God today.

And I am not letting Him go.

Until He blesses me.

Photo: "Street Life" by Dean Bradshaw
(http://www.flickr.com/photos/91165722@N00/2632134847/)

Stirred by the Spirit

Judges 13:25 And the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him in Mahaneh-dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol.

The living God is a trinity--the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Samson was stirred by the Holy Spirit. Do you know who the Holy Spirit is? Like Samson, are you stirred by Him?

The Holy Spirit is God Himself. He is co-equal, co-eternal and co-existent with the Father and Son.

What are some of the roles of the Holy Spirit? He is a counselor who, if you ask, can guide and teach you. (John 14:16) Do you have a friend who needs comfort and you're unsure about what to say to her? Are you unsure about your next step in your relationships and career? Have you asked the Holy Spirit to guide you in decision-making?

He is also the Spirit of holiness who empowers you to live a holy life.(Romans 1:4) Have you ever tried to quit smoking? Have you tried to be patient in traffic and long lines? It's impossible to live a holy life on your own strength. The Holy Spirit empowers you to do this.

Do you want to be stirred by the Spirit? More about this in tomorrow's entry.

All of You

Judges 13:19 (NASB) So Manoah took the young goat with the grain offering and offered it on the rock to the LORD, and He performed wonders while Manoah and his wife looked on.

Manoah's wife was barren but God came through and promised them a child. God also guided the couple and and gave them specific instructions: she should avoid wine and never shave her son's hair.

What was the couple's instinctive reaction to God's presence? They worshiped God by offering a sacrifice.

How about you? How do you worship God? What do you offer up to Him?

Paul urges us in Romans 12:1 to view ourselves from the perspective of God's mercy. Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of your sins. Therefore, we should offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God.

God doesn't want us to sacrifice a goat, a lamb or a turtle dove in this day and age. He wants you. All of you. He wants to be Lord of your mind, your heart, your body. He wants you to glorify Him with your words and actions. How is this possible? It's only possible when you know how much He loves you, how much He's done for you.

Today, offer yourself, all of you, your mind, your heart and your body to the living God.

Photo by: Bourne Bedweey (http://www.flickr.com/photos/12358218@N05/1299905340/)

Destiny Carved

^{Judges 13:5} (NASB) "For behold, you shall conceive and give birth to a son, and no razor shall come upon his head, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb; and he shall begin to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines."

Did you ever wonder why you were born and grew up in a specific city and time? Ever wonder why God gave you specific talents? Did you ever wonder why God put certain people in your life?

In this passage we learn that God carved out a specific destiny for Samson. God is a God of detail. Samson's destiny was meant to glorify Him and bless others.

How about you? Do you know what God wants you to specifically do to glorify Him? Are you blessing others?

Today, choose to glorify God in all that you to do. You may be the only Jesus that others will meet. You may be the only person who can reconcile others to Him.

Photo: "World Map-1689 No. 1" by Caveman 92223 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/28402283@N07/3185534518/)

Manoah's Prayer

^{Judges 13:8-9(NASB)} Then Manoah entreated the LORD and said, "O Lord, please let the man of God whom You have sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born." God listened to the voice of Manoah; and the angel of God came again to the woman as she was sitting in the field, but Manoah her husband was not with her.

Has God blessed you with much? Has He blessed you with a godly husband? Children? A thriving business? A growing ministry?

Are you unsure about how to handle these successes and blessings? Like Manoah, God wants you pray and ask for guidance. He will listen. He will send you His word and wise counsel.

Today, pray and hold on to God's promise: He will lead the blind in ways they have not known, and guide them along unfamiliar paths. He will turn darkness into light and make the rough places smooth. (Isaiah 42:16)

Photo: Encadre by Frederic della Faille (http://www.flickr.com/photos/33432224@N00/2285253737/)

The Promise of Samson

^{Judges 13:3} Then the angel of the LORD appeared to the woman and said to her, "Behold now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and give birth to a son.

God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He makes promises to His people, and when He releases His word, it will not go back to Him empty, but will accomplish His desire and achieve the purpose for which He sent it.

Has God made a promise to you? Is the promise in line with His Word? Are you getting impatient?

Today, acknowledge your present situation, but choose to have faith in God's promises. The grass will wither, the flowers will fall, but the word of God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:8)